Tuesday, 18 October 2016

My "Other Room" is the "Purpose Room"

Somethings happen in our lives to jostle us out of our euphoria or dream state and we know for sure that we need to take a stance. One of those things for your 9jachic is the recent response of the Nigerian President to his wife, Aisha Buhari following her comment on his approach to Governance.

So quick update for my readers who are not aware of what I am referring to…

  • Aisha Buhari is the wife of Muhammadu Buhari (the current Nigerian President). They got married in 1989 and have five children together, a boy and four girls (source BBC).
  • On the 14th of October 2016, she (Aisha Buhari) granted an interview to Hausa Service of the BBC where she in more words than none, demanded a reshuffling of the current Nigerian cabinet, claiming that most of the appointed were not aware of the “party” vision, threatening that she might not join her husband in the 2019 campaign trails if he decides to run for a second term; especially if nothing was done to better the lot of the many impoverished Nigerians.
  • Later on the same day, snippets of this interview was played back to the Nigerian President during his visit to Germany and his response caused major news headlines. In his own words: 
"I don't know which party my wife belongs to, but she belongs to my kitchen and my living room and the other room."
So I claim superior knowledge over her and the rest of the opposition, because in the end I have succeeded. It's not easy to satisfy the whole Nigerian opposition parties or to participate in the government.'' (Source BBC)"
Quick note: 9jachic readers and fans are not used to coming here to read about Politics …and true to form, you are not about to be taken down that lane.

Ok so back to my story…

When your 9jachic heard the interview recounts from Aisha Buhari, truth be told, I did not support her…I am of the impression that you need to be loyal…and by this I mean…not wash your dirty laundries in public. What I am saying is, if she really felt so strongly about her husband’s exploits, she should share her thoughts to people in his party or elders who he absolutely respects…they have been married for over 25 years, so she must know one or two people he will listen to.

However, my blame for her was completely erased in the coming hours when news of the Nigerian President’s response to her comments were made known….

I was stupefied to say the least…and this Igbo proverb “Do not throw the baby with the bathwater” quickly came to mind. In other words, the President should have at least taken a pause to listen to the words from his wife …and probably decide what to heed to if any.

Get me right…the President as well as everyone else has a right to an opinion…and because this issue has been over-flogged, I will not go on and on about what is wrong and right about the President’s comments

What this piece is intended to do is get us back to right thinking: in times when negative words are thrown at us, it is always great to latch on to positive vibes. So, the best response suitable in this case, is a description of what you are and not dwell on condemning someone else’s opinion of you.

This I can say is best summed up in the words of my classmate fondly called Dr. Eden ….she wrote this beautiful piece and has given us permission to repost this. The piece says it all, every woman or indeed man who has felt a deep anger or resentment towards the Nigerian President’s comments should take a deep breath and read this piece…it is guaranteed to make you quickly focus on what is important...”Positivity, Growth and Self-assuredness”

"The Other Room"

I make fond memories in the living room
I let sweet hospitality flow from the kitchen
I increase wisdom and knowledge in the study room
And decrease ignorance in the counselling room
I grow in faith, kneel in petition in the prayer room
I lift my faith, & fix my gaze on His Throneroom
I teach, I train, I reach the pain in the conference room
I scream, I play with my kids many ways in the children's room
I deepen and receive unconditional love, in the bedroom

I speak, I write, I raise the bar in the boardroom
Attimes, I sing aloud so glad I'm alive in the bathroom.
I live not solely in any one of these rooms
Each room represents a part of my journey to my purpose room
Neither roles or rooms or tools define me,
I'll gladly put them to use, inorder to refine me.

So if I sit, I stand, I kneel or I lie
I add great value in every single room.
I'm a progressive woman and;
My Other room....
is the purpose room

Eden A. Onwuka (C) dreden2016 

I leave you with this remarkably insightful statement about self-esteem that is usually credited to Eleanor Roosevelt, the diplomat and former American First Lady “NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT
                             Source: The internet

Cheers y’all…& ..Keep the faith as always!!

Friday, 15 April 2016

Living in Naija is HARD!!

Living in Lagos…well ...the whole of Naija…. is hard!

Please get me right… I did not say “difficult”, I said downright HARD!!

This is not one of those posts which starts gloomy and ends in sunshine, so if you aren’t in the mood to hear my tantrums, please log off… 9jachic is about to go in hard!! (I like this word, HARD! LOL)

So let’s get in…

First if you do not understand my circumstances, let me give you a brief update…

So I am a “first born” (also known as Ada) Igbo girl of a traditional man. What this means is that you are not allowed to talk to any man or look at any man until you are at least 21, but expect to be married before 25. Have kids before 30 (male kids preferably) and then go silent! (For the most part your voice from this point onwards can only be heard through your husband).

Anything you do from that point on, you are simply referred to as Mrs. XXX. For sure your last name evaporates, however in 90% of the cases, your first name and identity goes with it too.

For example, if you are successful in what you do, they say …”Wow! Who is her husband? He must really be a great man to allow her do the work”

f you are driving and brush someone, they say “Better ask your husband to get you a driver” or “Ask your husband to teach you how to drive” or “Go and return your husband’s car”

If you want to take a trip out of the country, they need a sworn affidavit / letter of approval from your husband before the international passport is approved.

If you want a driver’s license, you need your husband’s approval

If you want to open a Bank account, they say “Get your husband’s approval”

God forbid you want to invest in a landed property, except you get it in your children’s name, you simply cannot conclude the transaction without your husband’s consent.

If you need to hang out with only your girl friends in the evening in some “very high-profile” locations, they ask that you get a male escort.

If you call customer service of service providers, you are called Mrs. XXX

In Church you are addressed as Mrs. XXX, the wife of XXX who is a … (fill in the gap). No one seems to ask for what you do or who you really are, all that matters is you have been addressed by Mrs.

If you wear a gown, skirt or shorts probably just above the knee, they come in hard…”what did she give her husband to allow her come out of house like this? She must have charmed him”

Yes oooo

This is all assuming you actually got married before 25 and had kids at 30.

If by any chance you did not… Gbese!!!

So if you are like your 9jachic…above 30… a first born Igbo girl… living in Lagos… not married… working class… a single mother… living alone… Oh my!!!

Let’s break it down:
         You go to the Nigerian Passport office with your child, they say “Madam, please we need affidavit to prove that you are not married and two male referees”

-          You go to buy a property, they say “Madam you need a male representative to talk to the traditional men that own the property’

-         Your daughter’s school insists that they want a family pic of “Father, Mother and Child”, anything else will not be posted on the family picture wall.

-          You live alone as a single girl and they tag you wayward. They don’t care that your immediate family lives over 5 hours’ drive away from where your office is.

-          You want to rent an apartment and the Landlord insists he does not rent to Single women.

-          You buy a good car, they ask “how can expect to get a husband driving around in that posh car? The men will be scared of you oooo”

-          Your apartment has all the niceties; (more than one bedroom, TVs,  CableTV, DVD, Fridge, Freezer, Washing Machine etc. ) they ask, ”why did you bother spending all this money? Don’t you want to get married? Will your husband be moving into your house?”

-           The village/ town meeting is called to discuss salient issues about your people but you cannot even think of attending (it is not a place for women… neither can you join the women meeting… only married women have a place).

-          Your street calls for a meeting of tenants (you arrive and discover you are the only woman) and they talk through you… when you insist and share an opinion, it is considered female tantrum

-          Your security man will not greet you because he considers himself the higher mortal.

-          You wear a comfortable cloth, “they say ha! Ashewo! See the short cloth, no wonder she is not married.”

-          You travel to the village and you are simply treated like a leper (Over 30? Single with child?... What can be worse?)

Living in Naija is HARD!

Did I forget to mention especially for women? Do you agree?

Please share your comments and experiences below as always…..they simply mean everything to me J.

Tuesday, 23 June 2015

My Lesbian Story

With the hullaballoo around the transgender – Caitlyn/Bruce Jenner story, there is an increased wave of “coming outs”…people who hitherto did not have the guts to accept their sexual orientation (lesbian, gay, bi-sexual etc.) are opening up in drives.

As always, your 9jachic does not shy away from such stories……

About two weeks ago to be precise, some friends and I were discussing the Caitlyn/Bruce Jenner story….its impact and the revolutionary wave it is creating….we were hanging out and so alcoholic beverages were also being downed. This discussion led to people sharing their personal experiences with same sex…..One of my friends who was in town (I was actually hanging out because of her) decided to share her story (I know …I know….I have her permission to share this).

It started when we were in school (we had attended the same secondary school….an all girls’ school)….My bunkmate (who was then in ss2) and I became close friends and we’d often talk about guys….she was having problems with her boyfriend and I was just a listening ear….someone she could share her innermost thoughts with. I must have proved to be a good support because we got to laying together in the same bed, nothing strange just hanging out and talking”. This actually happened a lot in my school….lots of girls, often shared beds without being sexual.

“A few times we cuddled which slowly became regular and I must say, I enjoyed the physical closeness. One of these times, her hand went under my shirt and rubbed my belly….though I was a little freaked out, I honestly did enjoy it. The first time she went as far as the bottom of my breasts, I told myself if she went any further, I would object. However, I started looking forward to her soft touches….one night just before we went on mid-term break, we laid together to gist just like we usually would and she started recounting how she was not looking forward to going home because she did not want to see her boyfriend. I reached out to give her a comforting cuddle and her hands mistakenly grazed my nipples…it was electric….and I immediately recoiled. She didn't stop though…her fingers crept back to my breasts…and the rest we can say is history”.

What do you mean history? I asked…..I had to get the real details clarified oooo

She smiled and said “Babe you too like gist” …and continued….”For the rest of the year, we continued to seek for any possible corners to touch each other’s breasts….(I was still too shy to try anything further….because well….I was still a virgin…before now, no one has ever touched me like that).

Throughout her final year (She was a prefect, so had more attention on her), we never got past this level. However, on her final day in school, she invited me to her corner (that’s what we called bed space in my school)….as we were no longer bunk mates. She gave me a light feathery kiss on my lips (she tasted like banana...I can still remember) and told me not to be nervous (truth be told I really wasn't...I have been craving to take our little “thingy” a step further…but just didn't know how to)…..she kissed me again…this time with open mouth and I kissed back. It was soft, sensual and beautiful. She took her top off first and helped me take mine off…she laid me down and hugged me so tight….I felt a warm buzz all around me. She gently lowered her breasts to my mouth….but I wasn't sure what to do or exactly how to get it right…and I think she sensed this…she then leaned in and tickled my breast with her lips….I was feverish with the feeling…she continued to suckle on my breasts while grinding down on me…and before long I orgasmed.

After this happened, I quickly got up and left her bed….the next day, I did not come out to say my final good byes….As the years went by, I got letters from her but never replied…..I am not sure if I was guilty or just plain scared….whatever it was, I never got to see her again until 2 years ago at our school reunion get-together.

By now, we were both married ….she saw me first and screamed my name across the room…rushing to me and hugging me tightly. She started talking of how it’s been a long time, how she missed school, talking about her present life, her kids, hubby, work bla bla…as if we never had this experience. I let her go on and on…and at the end of the day, we exchanged numbers but have never spoken again.

I have never been able to get over this because it was well…my first sexual experience….I truly can’t say if I feel I was wronged ( I was just barely 13)….or if I contributed to the experience. All I can say is, it has been weighing on me (especially since I saw her)….and I do feel relieved sharing this with you guys”

Wow…so you are bisexual? I asked, (she is married, so I can’t say lesbian now can I?) 

Hahahahah you eh!! She laughed…. Hmmm the truth is that, I sometimes find myself attracted to some girls…but I have never done anything about it since school.

Phew!! After hearing this story, your 9jachic  knew she had to come out of her long hiatus and share this story….well probably because I know a lot of people may be able to relate (if they are honest enough), and also because people like gists like this and well I couldn't help it jare.

P/S: I have been asking her to tell me which senior this is, but she is yet to tell me....I may have to get her drunk if  that’s what it would take to get that info out….. *thinking*

So darls, feel free to share your similar experiences…lol…. you can be anonymous!

Monday, 16 June 2014

What I reallyyyyyyyyyyyy want!

Before I had my baby, I was lost…though I lived a life envied by most (a good job, great apartment, nice car, weekend hangouts and interesting friends)…I was still frustrated….(that feeling of not being complete), Scared (that I may die alone)... Unsure (is this is what life was all about)….Anxious (to get some fire back into my life)…Trapped (in what seemed like a monotonous routine)…Unfulfilled (thinking that there really has to be something else out there for me)…..Smothered by society’s expectations (get married or die trying). I just didn't have a clue what I wanted to do with my life.

Now that I have my baby, it leads me to answer this…What do I really want?

Hmmm I am not sure I have the answer….Who does? But I will try and answer as honest as possible...so here goes…….

ROLE MODEL: I want to be able to live a role model life for my baby teaching her the things that really matter – Obedience to God’s words, God’s love and showing kindness to everyone

PRAY: I want to be able to pray without ceasing thanking God for what I have and what He is about to do

HEALTHY: I want to be healthy (and my daughter healthy too), happy enough to dance with joy all the time with  a sound mind to understand things around me

LOVE: I want to be loved and showed forth with pride and respect (preferably by a man if not…person no go die)

KISS: I want to be kissed in the rain and protected from its cold

MONEY: I want to have enough to provide for my family and go on vacations (Yeah though I don’t have to be Bill Gates daughter to be happy, I want to have more than I can spend)

CAREER: I want to do my job with fulfilment (not feeling like I am being used)

HOME: I want to come back daily to a warm, comfortable abode filled with niceties and most importantly people I love.

SMILE: I want to have a million reasons to smile daily.

BLESSING: I want to be able be a blessing to others and attract blessings when the need arises

SEXY: I want to wake up every morning feeling sexier and more desirable than the day before

YOUNG: I want to die young as late as possible

So there ….those are a few (12) of my teeny weeny wishes and desires…and to achieve them, I take baby steps today to write them down as reminders (you can take my cue and write yours too...please share) and to focus on the positives…everything else will fall in place! 

C’est la vie!!!

Wednesday, 26 March 2014

I was curious about you.....

It has never been important to me that I make a conscious choice to become a birth parent and I have never been one to dream or pray to be one...therefore, when I decided to go through with my pregnancy, I had to fight a lot of thoughts on the forthcoming responsibilities.

One of the major steps I took, was, I decided to write a letter to my baby to welcome her because I noticed that the closer I got to my due date, the more my thoughts were turning inward....I was beginning to focus on the center of my universe more than ever before.

So rather than sharing some recent happenings, your 9jachic has decided to share a part of her heart...it is refreshing to know that this blog gives me an avenue to do so.....anyway, here goes my letter to my baby...way before she was born.....time indeed flies ..its exactly a year ago!

Nwa m,

Its 26th March, 2013...a Tuesday Morning...I am currently looking out of my office window...listening to Banky W's "unborn child" ...and thinking of you.

You are only 25 weeks old (or so the doctors say) ...I feel you move in me, feel you turn, feel you yearn for me ...and my heart wells up with so much love for you!

I am scared that I may not be doing something right but the little I can, I strive to adhere (like lying down only on my left hand side ....[though it hurts]...and not drinking soda or alcohol) 

I know for sure you are going to be a blessing to me..indeed you already are! I have already witnessed how much favour you will bring me..I only need to ask the Lord and it happens.

Yes, though I can't wait to have you in my arms, I can't help but break sweat thinking...."I am bring you into a world plagued with pedophiles, child rapists, greed and wickedness...and though I can't promise to shield you from it all, I can only promise to teach and guide you (in the Lord's way) all I know, to prepare you for what life has to offer.

Yes I can't wait to love you...hold you..and show you how much you mean to me....my daughter...my own baby! I will fight for you till my dying days....all I will do and say towards you will be put of genuine love for you (though you may not feel so at times)

I'm curious about you.

I hope in the end, I would have done right by you...teaching you God's words....by words and by deed! In the end, my darling, I would like to share these with you.....

ALWAYS put God first and fear Him. He truly exists and will be there for you in all circumstances
NEVER treat people wickedly! Show love to friends, strangers and foes.
Hard work PAYS!
Failure is a stepping stone for SUCCESS...If you fail or fall, get up, dust it off and start again (that's Grand Dad's story...learn from it!)
If you BELIEVE, go for it.... NEVER relent!
NEVER let anyone make you feel inferior...you are a GEM! and will always be LOVED!!!

All of me,

So pray tell....has anyone of you written similar letters to your children before they were born? What were the things you wrote about? Was it an easy experience writing to your unborn child? And what impact do you think your letter will have on your child as he or she reads it later?

Tuesday, 25 February 2014

We wanted to carry on rolling in the hay....then marriage happened

I have been a lucky girl! I can say I have people who have been with me all my life! They have known me from way back and are still in my life. Not for what they can get from me or vice versa but because they really are great FRIENDS.

Anyway, why this sermon you may ask? One of them (a GUY! Yes oooo) decided to give me advice on being married vs being single ....and knowing your 9jachic...and her kinda friends, this friend decided to write it down.

Before I share his story, I need to let you know that my Dad met this guy ...WAIT!!... not what you think....hmmm...gist lovers! We were young teenagers about 13-15 years old (If I remember correctly). Anyway, he came around to watch a movie or so..can't recall the details...and my Dad came home early from work...sees him and throws a tantrum....The MEGA kind! (So mega that up till today, this friend has NEVER visited again! See Fear of life!)

Anyway 9jachic readers, this is his advice and story .....


Warning: This piece may or may not contain a number of clich├ęs.

Right, let’s get to it. 

Quick intro: I detest labels. You know, all that undue generalisation and broad statements like…. Ijebu men are stingy! Calabar girls are promiscuous, Hausa men are always rich……. You get the gist?.....Cool! However, nothing irks me more than declarations like “single girls are more fun” or being married is better than being single… All those accepted ‘wisdoms’ and ‘that’s how it’s done’ rubbish annoy me.

The truth is no one has the right formula for how to live life. Everyone is just making it up as they go along....Anyhow, who asked me question? Stick with me it might make sense at the end.

A bit about me, I was one of those guys who had no interest in marriage. I didn’t dislike the idea but I didn’t plan for it either. To be honest, I wasn’t really that much of a planner. For instance, I left a well-paid job in 9ja  to study abroad because at the time I felt there was something else out there for me. It was so unplanned; I left the country without much of luggage and not enough cash to pay my fees. Some one I was dating at the time asked me what my plans were after studies and all I could tell her was the truth – I hadn’t the foggiest idea. Safe to say, she didn’t wait for me. Why would she?

So long story short, got to the UK, enrolled in Uni (this was in the good old days when some unis would let you pay a deposit on enrolment and set up a payment plan for the rest of your fees). Well, let’s just say, that session was the last time they did it.  Sha, I started my M.Sc.. ..…. Can I just add that a lot of the gist they give you in 9ja na wash. No Oyinbo woman came to toast me in the club because I am black and also, Oyinbo people don’t like all that  “Going my way?” or  “Do you live in this neighbourhood” cunny-man pick up lines we favour in 9ja.  Ermm, But as a 9jaboy sha, I adapted (man can not live by bread alone... that’s all I am saying jare…..tatafo!! Face front!)

So I was saying...I remember the first time I saw the babe. 9ja babe abi chic (lol), sitting in front of the class. How did I know she was 9ja? ..Hmm…her braids and freshness. She couldn’t have been Ghanaian or South African. Na beans?  Hehehe. I knew she was 9ja though, because as an NFA ‘consign’ (ask somebody), I was sitting at the back of the lecture theatre and confirmed my suspicions when the attendance register got to me– You ‘ll think paying your own fees will make me get sense! .....

Anyway, one thing led to the other, we sha started doing something. I’d say dating but it was complicated. She was fresh out of a long-term relationship and wanted a pseudo-rebound guy – a rebound guy that didn’t mind to be rebound guy. She found the right guy!  One thing one thing (mainly thanks to the winter in these parts), things got more and more interesting. See, I know the things I like and no, I am not telling you…. Err, okay, maybe next time.  Anyway, we were (are still) both shameless people and while we were dating, I didn’t actually have the time or energy to see other people. Trust me, I am not a lazy guy; the girl just had my number.  Marriage never came into it. I was now in my thirties but anytime we talked along the lines of marriage. She ‘ll tell me to "find" a wife (you really don’t have to believe this but she meant it). She had reasons for not wanting to get married and they made sense to her. Now to all the guys, which one of you will not like that kind of arrangement? She ticks all the boxes and not bugging you down with commitment issues.  We both enjoyed whatever it was we had going on...so much that we decided to live together. Well, that and the fact that it made economic sense. Masters now completed, both of us working and one of us still paying uni fees …cough cough. At this point things were a bit more serious than before but still marriage was not on the agenda.

I couldn’t tell you what /when marriage became a topic. I think the fact that her mum found out we were living together and her dad, well, that one would have killed me kinda help crystallize the idea and when it became a thing, we both promised each other not to ever over complicate things. We knew who we were and what we wanted from each other.

There was no grand proposal. None of that burying a ring in cake lark – I can’t come and kill person pikin or kneel down on one or two knees (leg dey pain me). I woke up one night and said: “Hey! Let’s get married. I bought this ring”. She took the ring, took one look at me and said:” Yes! But we need to change this ring” (Imagine!!). 

Like play like play, we got married. Being the randy goats we both are, we had our first child just a year after marriage. The big head boy, made things a bit difficult. We had to be sneaking around our own house. Just so we don’t wake him up. I sha hope that babies don’t remember things they see early on in life because if they do, I am afraid we haff spoil this pikin.  We now have son number two (and number last! Thank you very much). And it is even more difficult to knack these days. But when you are randy you are randy. Full stop.

I am not painting a perfect picture for you here. I agree with people who think having the same person in your bed forever is probably not natural. Tell me how many other species in the animal kingdom do so. Actually, don’t tell me (nobody likes clever clogs!) but we work through the issues. We still do the crazy things we used to do.  Post-marital sex might not be as regular but it doesn’t have to be less spectacular. Ladies if you were a freak when you guys were dating, please stick to your freakiness. I use God to beg you! Guys, you might want to discuss the things you really (really) like with your wives.

Listen I am not saying being married is better than being single. I am saying live your life. A talkative friend of mine says this a lot (I can imagine he stole it): “Life is too short to be sifting Garri before drinking”. Live your life, enjoy your life, no one is going to make it out of it alive !

Monday, 17 February 2014

Yes...I Tested, I Did not Terminate and I Do Not Regret!!

I think it’s time I tell this story because loads of my friends have been prodding me about finally deciding to have a baby when I have always said I wanted to adopt one.

Ok here goes…when I “thought” I was pregnant, I said to myself “nah, it can’t be possible…my period is just late …even when I know that “late period” for me was not possible…at over 30 and having gone through more than 200 period cycles, a girl indeed knows her body clock.

Anyway, I still thought to myself…”I may have made a mistake. Home pregnancy tests can be so inaccurate, “Two tests and a doctor’s appointment later, I could no longer deny that I was pregnant. My first though was, “How on earth can I be someone’s birth mother?” I called a close confidant and shared the situation….she screamed…and well after questions and prodding, suggested an abortion..urrgghhh….!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I am not Mary or the Pope’s sister....but at the point that this baby was growing in me, I was at my lowest…nothing excited me anymore, nothing seemed new…I had gone through two marriage proposals in 3 months before I met her dad…he was a great charmer and of course good looking (trust your 9jachic). So I thought to myself, “Why lose something new and exciting? It is not like I would have problems taking care of it”..and yeah, If I had an abortion, I would be back to a hopeless, empty life.

When I told my family, it was like  a tale of two cities…my brother was very supportive, he gave me assurance to do what I though was best for me regardless of what anyone said. I don’t know where I would be without him. My Dad on the other hand, clammed up and stopped talking to me…..though he’s coming around slowly now that the baby has been born.

I lost the majority of my friends. I was a tad bit of a party girl before I got pregnant and I knew a baby meant that part of my life was over. In addition, I have had several friends who have terminated pregnancies before..so I had thought to myself that they may not understand why I decided to do this alone..therefore, I kept the news to myself and stayed away from the party scene.

At work too, I kept mute. I worked late like everyone else, did my bit without complaints and carried off being pregnant for over 7months without anyone around me knowing. Even after delivery, colleagues still come up to me and ask….When were you pregnant? ….They actually thought I was eating sooo much my tummy was expanding like that of a hippo! Seriously!!

Thus far, I think I enjoy being a single parent much more than if I had a partner! It gives me the opportunity to run the show! The joys of being a parent is indescribable….fountains of overflowing joyful things. As of right now, the most joyful moments are watching my munchkin healthy, grow and develop; when she smiles and giggles as I walk into the house from work, my heart melts and bounces. She is my inspiration to be a better person…every day is a miracle!

Before I sign out, just a piece of advice for anyone going through the same dilemma of unplanned pregnancy, scared and considering abortion…I would say…my life has never been more purposeful….something to  look forward to..causing me to extend myself and reach my potentials inorder to create a better life for both of us. I would say, consider that there are loads of women out there who constantly pray for a child of their own, who go through the devastation of still born births, multiple miscarriages and the long adoption process years…..these women see you as the lucky ones and yeah…the baby may be your only chance to be called a mum…a Destiny Child!!