Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Is it worth it?

When do we really say it is enough?

I can't take this anymore.

I have truly had ENOUGH!

For the past month...most newspapers and gossip magazines in 9ja carried the news of the 'WIFE BASHER'- Ambassador Wigwe...and how he beat his wife to a bloody pulp in Kenya.

So what? Some may say...

Or how horrifying! Others may say...

But for the first time..I truly won't ask your opinion ‘cos it doesn't matter what you say...I just want to vent and recount my experience.

I was in this relationship….all goofy eyes and all. He was Igbo and yeah perfect candidate for hubby.. (back in the days when I believed that what will make you acceptable..is a husband by your side)

The first month of our relationship, I walked in on him with another girl...(alarm signals)...after loads of flowers, cuddles and begging..I forgave...and took him back

After about a year, I walk into his house and deja vu...another infidelity act....and as usual, he comes “abegging”..and this time I lose it...I rant, rave, curse and swear..and wham! A slap..yes peeps ..he gave your 9jachic a resounding slap...Seriously? Yes seriously!

You know how we all tell ourselves that if we find ourselves in a situation or the other, we may act in certain ways...well..let’s say I have had this notion that if a guy as much as pointed a finger to my face I will bring in a mob, topple everything I can lay my hands on over his head and still make sure he lives to regret it.

And before you ask...I will certainly tell you that all I did was breakdown and cry...cry….all while being scared shitless too. (Ok honestly, I think my tears was because immediately he slapped me, he ran to me and held me..shaking and begging me to forgive me..I don't know..but the truth is ..I didn't fight back..didn't curse anymore...). All I did was cry and that night was the best *** we ever had.  Yeah, so go figure!

Weird right? I never let him forget it though...I always teased about the day he beat me..which always left him embarrassed...and that’s ‘cos he is a  good guy.

However, while we may say it s all women bashing or cases of domestic violence, my case is different from the Wigwe beating case. The Wigwe kind man beats women to show his superiority and does it over and over again.

And women (especially in Nigeria) take this beating and  hush up about it.
I have thought about it and can only say you can't blame them….they are after all  ‘MRS!” - the highest title a woman can bear.

So you wonder..is that what women have been reduced to? Punching bags..pads to throw around...blocks to hit and mix with stones and cement...filthy dogs….rags....all in the bid to maintain the marital status.

Is it worth it?

Is it?

Ok now I ask...pray tell!


  1. Hmmm! Had to read this twice...I guess a lot of women take the beating and still cover up for the man/men that assaulted them. Hence, the men see as right "African Culture" to keep beating the women in their lives.

  2. My man can beat me. As long as he brings home the money. Don't judge.

  3. @ Anonymous: Not judging at all. Hence the question asking if it is worth it.

    Your reason for the insanity called wife/women bashing is money..big ups..hmmm..still no judging

  4. Its not all about the money! I guess its women like you we should eradicate, as yu see no wong in a man beating you, as long as he brings back the money. Why belittle yourself to a slave...

  5. @ Anonymous, dont judge!!!
    If the lady doesnt mind being beaten up, please let her be. Some women find it attractive, and in some cases, sexually stimulating. So like I said, dont judge. Its all good for them.

    As for me, it would be hot insult upon injury for a guy to cheat on me, then slap me. No way. Just no way. I guess we all have different appetites for bullshit. Some can take a load of it, while others cant. So find the man that wont give you more BS than you can handle...

  6. People say a lot of things they do not do. How can you know if you can take it if it has never happened to you.

    My husband beats me and sometimes it leads to fights but how can you ask me to leave him? what happens to my children? What will people say?
    Easier said than done.

  7. All you single girls that open your mouth and talk anyhow. Allah, you people do not know what it takes to maintain peace in homes. Only slap? What of not giving you upkeep money because you asked him for the woman who has been calling? What of not coming home before 12pm every night?
    Gaskiya I will not say more.

  8. Which is worse, the fist or the tongue. None is worth it. It is not worth it for a woman to be battered regularly by her husband, just as it is not worth it for a man to be tongue lashed and humiliated every day by the wife. A woman’s tongue could pierce deep into a man’s heart and render him uncontrollable. Nonetheless, honourable men as well as women should learn to control their fist, tongue and emotions. It is not worth it for either party to be subjected to hurts by word or by fist (ladies may be worse of dealing with the physical and emotional side). Rare occasions may be excused with sincere apologies and amends. Reconciliations after such rare occasions could really deepen the love for each other. In this regard, it may be worth it. I’m sure 9jachic that wonderful night was worth it! At least in the short run.

  9. read this now and wondered at some women.its never worth it!my hubby of seven years decided to prove his manhood recently with a slap around,would have left him if not for people like these women who tink its no biggy.but i never forget,he had to be nicer after then.cos he knew i dont forget and he might not wake up one morning.worth it!my hubby of seven years decided to prove his manhood recently with a slap around,would have left him if not for people like these women who tink its no biggy.but i never forget,he had to be nicer after then.cos he knew i dont forget and he might not wake up one morning.

  10. Saw a picture yesterday that made me cringe! Oh what we (girls) go through just to be accepted. I am twice divorced, any man I marry again has to meet every requirement. I have been hit twice, it surely will not happen again. 9jachic, thank you for making me reflect on what is important.

  11. This post has left tears in my eye. Tears of what has been. Women have to be stronger emotionally and resist the fist. We can not keep lying back and be treated like rags.